Andivius Hedulio: Adventures of a Roman Nobleman in the Days of the Empire Read online

  CHAPTER I

  AN UNEXPECTED GUEST

  When I look back on the beginning of my adventures, I can set the very dayand hour when the tranquil course of my early life came to an end, whenthe comfortable commonplaces of my previous existence altered, when theplacid current of my former life broke suddenly and without warning intothe tumultuous rapids which hurried me from surprise to surprise and fromperil to peril. The last hour of my serene youth was about the ninth ofthe day, nearly midafternoon, on the Nones of June in the 937th year ofthe city, [Footnote: A.D. 184. See Note C.] while Cossonius Marullus andPapirius Aelian were consuls, when Commodus had already been four yearsEmperor.

  It was not that misfortune then suddenly overwhelmed me, not that, sharpas a blown trumpet, I heard the voice of doom blare over me; not that, asone sees the upper rim of the sun vanish beneath the waves where theskyline meets the sea, and knows day ended and night begun, not thus thatI recognized the end of my prosperity and the beginning of my disasters.That moment came later, as I shall record. It was rather that; as, incertain states of the weather, long before sunset one may be suddenlyaware that afternoon is past and evening approaches; so, though I had nointimation at the moment, yet, reviewing my memories I realize that atthat instant began the chain of trivial circumstances which led up to mycalamity and enmeshed me in ruin.

  And just here I cannot but remark, what I have often meditated over, howtrifling, how apparently insignificant, are the circumstances whichdetermine the felicity or misery of human beings. I was possessed of anample estate; I was, in most difficult conditions, in unruffled amity withall my neighbors, on both sides of the great feud, except only myhereditary enemy; I was high in the favor of the Emperor; I was in a fairway to marry the youngest, the most lovely and the richest widow in Rome.In the twinkling of an eye I was cast down from the pinnacle of goodfortune into an abyss of adversity. And upon what did my catastrophehinge? Upon the whims of a friend and upon one oversight of my secretary.I should have had no story to tell, I should have been a man continuouslyhappy, affluent and at ease, early married and passing from one highoffice to the next higher in an uninterrupted progress of success, had itnot entered the head of my capricious crony to pay me an unexpected andunannounced visit, had he not arrived precisely at the time at which hecame, had he not encountered just the persons he met just where he didmeet them, had not his prankishness hatched in him the vagary which ledhim to give quizzical replies to their questions; had I not, carried awayby my elation at my prosperity and fine prospects, been a trifle tooindulgent to my tenantry.

  Even after, as a result, the nexus of circumstances had been woven aboutme and after I found myself embroiled with both my powerful neighbors, Ishould have escaped any evil consequences had not my secretary, than whomno man ever was more loyal to his master or more wary and inclusive in hisforesight upon every conceivable eventuality, failed to forecast thepossible effects of a minor omission.

  When my story begins I had already had one small adventure, nothing muchout of the ordinary. Agathemer and I were returning from my finalinspection of my estate. As we rode past one of the farmsteads we heardcries for help. Reining up and turning into the barn-yard, we found thetenant himself being attacked by his bull. I dismounted and diverted theanimal's attention. After the beast was securely penned up I was ridinghomewards more than a little tired, rumpled and heated and very eager fora bath.

  As we approached my villa we saw a runner coming up the road, a big Nubianin a fantastic livery which when he reached us turned out to be entirelyunknown to me. My grooms were just taking our horses. The grinning black,not a bit out of breath after his long run, saluted and addressed me.

  "My master has sent me ahead to say he is coming to visit you."

  "Who is your master?" I asked.

  "My master," he said, still grinning goodnaturedly, "enjoined me not totell you who he is."

  I turned to Agathemer.

  "What do you make of this?" I asked.

  "There is but one man in Italy," he replied, "who is likely to send yousuch a message, and his name is on the tip of your tongue."

  "And on the tip of yours, I'll wager," said I. "Both together now!"

  I raised my finger and counted.

  "One! Two! Three!"

  Both together we uttered:

  "Opsitius Tanno!"

  There was no variation in the Nubian's non-committal grin. We went up thesteps and stood by the balustrade of the terrace, where it commanded agood view of the valley. We could see a party approaching, a mountedintendant in advance, a litter, extra bearers and runners and severalbaggage mules.

  "Nobody but Tanno would send me such a message," I said to Agathemer.

  "No one else," he agreed, "but I should be no more surprised to see theEmperor himself in this part of the world."

  "One of his wild whims," I conjectured. "Nothing else would tear him awayfrom the city."

  I meditated.

  "Our arrangements for dinner," I continued, "fall in very well with hiscoming. I suppose the guest-rooms are all ready, but you had best go seeto that, and meanwhile turn this fellow over to Ofatulenus."

  Agathemer nodded. The pleasantest of his many good qualities was thatwhatever he might be asked to do he carried out without comment orobjection. Nothing was too big or too small for him. If he were asked toarrange for an interview with the Emperor or to attend to the creasing ofa toga he was equally painstaking and obliging. He went off, followed bythe negro. I waited on the terrace for Tanno. There was no use attemptingto bathe until after his arrival. Presently a cheerful halloo from thelitter reached my ears. It was Tanno to a certainty. Nobody else of myacquaintance had voice enough to make himself heard at that distance orwas sufficiently lacking in dignity to emit a yawp in that fashion. Whenhis escort came near enough I could see that all his bearers wore the samelivery as his runner. Tanno was forever changing his liveries and eachfresh invention he managed to make more fantastic than the last. Therewere eight bearers to the litter and some twenty reliefs. Travelling longdistances by litter, begun as a necessity to such invalids as my uncle,had become a fashion through the extreme coxcombery of wealthy fops andthe practice of the young Emperor. Tanno's litter had all its panels slidback, and the curtains were not drawn. He was sitting almost erect,propped up by countless down cushions. He greeted me with many waves ofthe hand and a smile as genial as his halloo. I went down a little fromthe terrace to meet him and walked a few paces beside the litter. Herolled out and embraced me cordially, appearing as glad to see me as I wasdelighted to see him.

  "I do not know," I said, "whether I am more surprised or pleased to seeyou. To what do I owe my good fortune?"

  "We simply cannot get on without you," he answered, "and I am going totake you back to Rome with me. How soon can you start?"

  "You came at the nick of time," said I, "I had expected to go down threedays from now, but I found out this afternoon that I can get away tomorrowmorning."

  "Praise be to Hercules and all the gods," said Tanno. "I love the countryfrantically, especially when I am in the city. I love it so that threedays on the road is enough country for me. I have been bored to death anddo so want a bath."

  "The bath is all hot and ready," said I, "and the slaves waiting. But I amgiving a dinner this evening and nearly all my neighbors are coming. Thediners are almost due to arrive, I need a bath and want one, but I meantto wait for my guests."

  "Well," he said, "you have one guest here already and that's enough. Let'sbathe once, at once, and you can bathe again when your Sabine clodhoppersget here. Life is too short for a man to get enough baths, anyhow. Two aday is never enough for me. A pretext for two in an afternoon is alwayswelcome. Come on, let's bathe quick, so as to have it over with before thefirst of the other guests arrives, then we can get a breath of fresh airand be as keen for the second bath as for the first."

  Conversation with Tanno consisted mostly in listening and interjectingquestions. He wallowed in the cold tank like
a porpoise; caught me andducked me until I yelled for mercy, and while I was trying to get mybreath, half drowned me with the water he splashed over me with bothhands; talking incessantly, except when his head was under water. When welay down on the divan in the warm room he rattled on.

  "You needn't tell me," he said, "that your runners haven't taken lettersto Vedia, but she is supposed not to hear from you, so, as I told of twoof your letters to me, I have, in a way been held responsible for you andhave been pelted with inquiries. Nemestronia loves you like a grandson,and, if you ask me, I say Vedia is in love with you out and out. As I hadheard from you and nobody else had, I began to feel as if I ought to lookafter you. Everything was abominably humdrum and I deceived myself intothinking I should enjoy the smell of green fields. I certainly should haveturned back less than half way if I had been concerned with anybody elsethan you; and when we turned off the Via Salaria into your country byroadI cursed you and your neighbors and all Sabinum. The most deserted stretchof road I ever travelled in all my life. I saw only six human beingsbefore I reached your villa and I had heard that this valley was populousand busy. I slept last night at Vicus Novus and I started this morning,bright and early. When we turned up the road below Villa Satronia I wasnever more disgusted in my life. My men are perfectly matched in height,weight, pace and action and any eight of the lot will carry me at fullspeed as smoothly as a pleasure-barge. But they could make nothing of thatroad. It is all washed, guttered, dusty in the open places, puddly wheretrees hang over it and full of loose stones on top everywhere.

  "I was so horribly jolted that I called the bearers to stop. I madeDromanus get off his horse and give me his poncho and his big felt hat.Then I got on his horse and told him to get into the litter. He wasembarrassed.

  "'Pooh', said I, 'you cannot walk and we should look like fools with anempty litter. Get in and be jounced! Draw the curtains; if we meet anybodyI'll give you an impressive title.' He rolled in among the cushions,looking as foolish as possible. His horse ambled perfectly and I felt morecomfortable. I went on ahead. We had not met anybody since we turned intothe crossroads; about half a mile beyond the place where I had left mylitter I came around one of the innumerable curves a little ahead of theprocession and saw two men approaching on foot. When they came abreast ofme they saluted me politely and the taller, a black-haired, dark-facedfellow with a broad jaw, inquired (in the tone he would have used toDromanus) whose litter I was escorting. I was rather tickled that theytook me for my own intendant. I judged we must be approaching the entranceto Villa Satronia and that they were people from there. I assumed anexaggerated imitation of Dromanus' most grandiloquent manner and in hisorotund unctuous delivery I declaimed:

  "'My master is Numerius Vedius Vindex. He is asleep.' (They swallowed thatawful lie, they did not realize how bad their own road was.) 'We are onour way to Villa Vedia.'

  "They looked sour enough at that, I promise you, and I made out that theywere Satronians for certain. The two fellows exchanged a glance, thankedme politely and went on.

  "I knew the entrance to the Satronian estate by the six big chestnut-trees, you had often described them to me; and I knew the next privateroad by the single huge plane tree. But when we crossed the second bridge,the little one, I went over that round hill and did not recognize the footof your road when we came to it. I was for going on. Dromanus called frombehind the curtains of the litter:

  "'This is Hedulio's road: turn to the right.'

  "I was stubborn and sang back at him:

  "'Hedulio has told me all about this country. This is not his land. It isfurther on at the next brook.'

  "We went on over the next bridge past the entrance to the south, and Ifelt more and more that Dromanus was right and I was wrong, and yet I grewmore and more stubborn. When we passed the sixth bridge and I saw thestream getting bigger and turning to the left, I knew I was wrong. At thecrossroads I realized we were at the entrance to Villa Vedia, but I wouldnot give up, I took the left-hand turn and went down stream. Beyond thefirst bend in the road we found ourselves approaching a long, straggling,one-street village of tall, narrow stone houses along the eastern bank ofthe little river. By the road, just before the first house, watching fivegoats, was a boy, a boy with a crooked twitching face.

  "'The village idiot,' I put in. 'They can never let him out of sight andhe is always beside the road.'

  "He was not too big an idiot to tell us it was Vediamnum."

  "He was enough of an idiot," I said, "to forget you, and your question thenext minute. The boy is almost a beast."

  "He had enough sense to tell us the name of the village," Tanno retorted,"and I had to acknowledge to Dromanus he was right, and so we turnedround. When we were hardly more than out of sight of Vediamnum we metanother party, a respectable-looking man, much like a farm bailiff, onhorseback, and two slaves afoot. I had not seen them before, and they,apparently, had not previously seen us. The rider asked, very decently,whose was the party. I treated them as I had the others.

  "'My master is asleep,' I said again. (It was not such an improbable liethat time, for the road by Vediamnum is pretty good.) 'I have the honor toescort Mamercus Satronius Sabinus.'

  "I had guessed that they were Vedians and I was sure of it when I saidthat. The slaves scowled and the bailiff saluted very stiffly.

  "Just after we turned into your road, I stopped the escort and toldDromanus to take his horse. He had relieved me of his hat and poncho and Ihad one hand on the litter, ready to climb in, when I heard hoofs behindus on the road. I looked back. There was a rider on a beautiful bay marecoming up at a smartish lope. Just as he came abreast of us she shied atthe litter and reared and began to prance about. I give you my word Inever had such a fright in my life. If you can imagine Commodus in an oldweather-beaten, broad-brimmed hat of soft, undyed felt and a mean, cheap,shaggy poncho of undyed wool, and worse than the hat, that was the man onthe mare. He was left-handed, too."

  "How did you know that?" I asked.

  "By the way he handled his reins, of course," said Tanno.

  "The mare was a magnificent beast, vicious as a fury, with a mouth as hardas an eighty-pound tunny. He sat her like Castor himself. She pirouettedback and forth across the road and my fellows scampered from under herhoofs. The mare was such a beauty I could not take my eyes off her."

  "Yes," I put in, "Ducconius has a splendid stud."

  "Was he Ducconius?" Tanno exclaimed. "Your adversary in your old law-suit?"

  "His son Marcus, from your description," I amplified. "He is proprietor ofthe property now. His father died last year."

  "Well," Tanno went on. "You know that look Commodus has, like a healthy,well-fed country proprietor with no education, no ideas and no thoughtsbeyond crops and deer-hunting and boar-hunting, with a vacuous,unintelligent stare? Well, that was just the way he looked."

  "That is the way young Ducconius looks," I rejoined. "He ought to. Youhave described exactly what he is."

  "Does he know he looks like the Emperor?" Tanno asked, "and how does ithappen?"

  "Pure coincidence," said I. "The family have been reared in these hillsfor generations, none of them ever went to Rome. Reate is the end of theworld for them."

  "Well," Tanno commented, "he might be Commodus' twin brother, by hislooks. He'll be a head shorter, in a hurry, if Commodus ever hears of him.He is the duplicate of him. I stood in the road, staring after him, andforgot to climb into the litter. When I woke up and climbed in, my ladsswung up your road at a great pace, and here I am. If I had had any senseI'd have been here not much after noon. As it is I have wasted most of theday."

  When we went into the hot room, I asked him,

  "Where did you get your new bearers? They look to me like Nemestronia's.What have you done with your Saxons?"

  "Nemestronia has them," he explained, "and my Nubians were hers. The dearold lady took a fancy to my Saxons and teased and wheedled until I agreedto exchange. Nobody ever can refuse anything to Nemestronia. I argued agood deal. I to
ld her that even if she is the youngest-looking old lady inRome it would never do in the world to set herself in contrast to suchblue eyes and pink skins and such yellow hair: that Nubians were much moreappropriate and that nothing could be more trying than Saxons, even for abride. She told me I mustn't make fun of her old age and decrepitude. Shesaid that the Saxons had such cheerful, bright faces and looked suchinfantile giants that she really must have them. So I let her have herway. The Nubians stand the heat better and the Saxons were almost tooshowy."

  Even while the attendant was thumping and kneading him on the slab, Tannowent on talking a cheerful monologue of frothy gossip. I asked him aboutthe Emperor.

  "As fretful as possible," he said. "The trouble with Commodus is that heis growing tired of exhibiting himself as an athlete to invited audiencesin the Palace. He is perfectly frantic to show himself off in the Circusor in the Amphitheatre. He oscillates between the determination todisregard convention and to do as he likes and virtuous resolutions, whenhe has been given a good talking-to by his old councillors and has made uphis mind to behave properly. He will break out yet into public exhibitionsof himself. He is really pathetically unhappy over his hard lot andpositively wails about the amount of his time which is taken up with Statebusiness and about the pitifully small opportunity he has for training andexercise."

  My bath was broken off, sooner than I had intended, by the appearance ofone of the kitchen-boys, who asked for me so tragically and so urgentlyand was so positive that no one else would suffice, that I went down intothe kitchen in a towering rage at being interrupted and wondering why onearth I could be needed. I found Ofatulena, wife of the Villa-farmbailiff, in violent altercation with my head-cook. He asserted that shehad no business in his kitchen and must get out. Her contention was thatshe, as bailiff's wife, was above all slaves whatever, that she knew herplace and that when a distinguished stranger visited the Villa she wouldshow him what old-fashioned Sabine cooking was like, so she would. Thecook had had, through Agathemer, my directions for a formal dinner and hedeclared that one more guest made no difference and that his dinner wasgood enough for anybody. I compromised by telling him to continue as hehad planned, but to allow Ofatulena to prepare one dish for each courseand to add to each one of her own. I was rather pleased at her intrusion,for there was no better cook in Sabinum, and anything old-fashioned wassure to be a novelty to Tanno.

  I found Tanno on the terrace, basking comfortably in the late sunshine andgazing down the valley.

  "What is that big hill away off to the East?" he asked.

  "That is on the Aemilian property," I answered. "Villa Aemilia has adirect outlet to the Via Valeria and the Aemilian Estate does not belongto this neighborhood at all. It runs back to the Tolenus and mostly drainsand slopes that way. Huge as the Vedian estates are, and though theSatronian estates are still huger, yet the Aemilian estates are so vastthat they are larger than both the Vedian and Satronian lands together.The Aemilian land has much woodland along its western borders and blanketsand almost encloses the Vedian and Satronian estates and all of us inbetween. The road you came up is a sort of detour east of the Salarianway. The Satronians and Vedians and we in between all use it, turning tothe right towards Reate and to the left towards Rome."

  Tanno blinked at the soft, hazy view and swept his arm southward.

  "That is all Satronian over there?" he asked.

  "All," I said, "as far as the Aemilian domain."

  "Which way," he queried, "is Villa Vedia?"

  "To see it from here," I said, "you would have to look straight throughthis house and half a dozen hills. It is almost due north."

  "Vedians to the northward," he continued, "Satronians to the southward,and just you and Ducconius sandwiched in between, clapper-clawing eachother."

  "No, quite otherwise!" I retorted. "My property does not touch Vedian orSatronian land anywhere, and Ducconius has barely half a mile of boundaryline along the Satronian domain. There are six other estates, the largesthalf as big as mine, the smallest not much bigger than the largest of mytenant-farms; three are on one side of me and three on the other. You willmeet the proprietors at dinner, as I told you. They should be here now."

  "Goggling country bumpkins?" he conjectured.

  "Not a bit like that," I countered, "though you would scarcely call themcultured. There is no art connoisseur among them. They care little forbooks, but they are educated gentlemen and can talk of other subjectsbesides vine-growing and cattle breeding. They have all been to Rome, theDucconians are the only stay-at-home, stick-in-the-mud family in thisvalley. You will find all your fellow-diners keenly interested in anythingyou can tell them about the latest fashions and the latest gossip fromRome. They think and talk of the doings of Rome's fast set much more thanyou do."

  "They have nothing to do with the feud?" he queried.

  "Three of them," I explained, "are on the Vedian side, three on theSatronian side, though they are always polite to each other. But it is afrigid politeness and I was anticipating the dinner tonight as a frightfultrial. I fancy your presence will ensure its passing off comfortably.Entedius Hirnio will be here, too. His estates are beyond Vediamnum and hehas never taken sides in the feud any more than Ducconius or my family."

  "Do you ever see Ducconius?" he asked.

  "Oh, never," said I, "we take care never to recognize each other, Iassure you. We cannot help meeting occasionally, but I never see him andhe never sees me. We meet mostly on the road. The lower part of thisvalley-road where he overtook you is as much his right-of-way as mine, upto where the road forks and is crossed by the Bran Brook. You can see thebridge from here."

  Tanno shaded his eyes with his hand.

  "That is all his land over there, on the other side of the Bran Brook," Icontinued. "Further up the valley the brook has three feeders. The Flourrises back of my land on the Vedian estate. The Chaff brook is all mineand the Bran rises in his woodlands."

  "Will he appeal the case or reopen it now your uncle is dead?" Tannoqueried.

  "There is no possibility of appeal," I said, "or of reopening. The case isclosed and I have won it forever. And all thanks to Agathemer. But forAgathemer, Ducconius would have won the final hearing as he had won allthe intermediate appeals. His defeat after so many victories hasembittered him more than if we had won every time and he hates me worsethan ever.

  "The only unpleasant feature for me is that the tenant of the farm so longin dispute cannot be ousted. He was heart and soul with Ducconius allthrough the period of the suit. His daughter is married to one ofDucconius' tenants and his younger son has taken one of Ducconius' farmssince three of his tenant-families died off year before, last with theplague. This makes old Chryseros Philargyrus by no means a pleasant tenantfor me."

  "Old Love-Gold Love-Silver," Tanno commented, "is that a nickname or is itreally his name?"

  "Really his name," I affirmed. "His mother was so extravagant and wastefulthat his father named him Chryseros Philargyrus as a sort of antidoteincantation, in the hope that it might prove a good omen of hisdisposition and predispose him to parsimony. He certainly has turned outsufficiently close-fisted to justify the choice."

  "I don't understand your talk about tenantry," said Tanno. "Do you meanyou cannot change a bailiff on a farm which you have won incontestably onfinal appeal in a suit at law?"

  "He is no bailiff," I answered him. "He is a free man, just as much as youor I. Sabinum is not like Latium or Etruria or Campania, where the freetenantry has vanished, or like Bruttium or Spain, where there never wasany free tenantry. The free tenantry have survived in Sabinum morecompletely than in any part of the world. I have only one bailiff here andhe manages only the villa-farm with a very moderate gang of slaves underhim. I do not own any more slaves on my estate. The slaves on the farmsare all owned by my tenants and there are eight farms besides the villa-farm; counting Chryseros, there are nine tenant farmers. Each owns slavesenough to work his farms. All the estates about here are managed in thatway: Aemilian, V
edian, Satronian, Entedian and all the rest, big orlittle. We are rather proud of the system and very proud of our tenants."

  "It must be a fine system," Tanno sneered. "I have been wondering whatkept you away from Rome. I suppose it has been the beautifully smooth andmarvellously easy working of your farm-tenant system."

  "It works just as well as one slave-gang under one bailiff, if notbetter," I retorted, hotly.

  "Oh, yes," Tanno drawled, "it works just as well as one slave-gang underone bailiff. That is why you have not had to inspect your estates inBruttium, why you have not visited Bruttium at all, why you have not somuch as thought of visiting Bruttium, whereas you have had to spend morethan two months here in these fascinating wilds. You can trust yourtenantry so completely that you only have to spend two months making surethey are not idling or cheating you: you can trust your Bruttian bailiffso poorly that you let him alone absolutely."

  I was more than a little nettled by his ironical mood.

  "I spent three months of the year out of the past four years in Bruttium,"I argued. "I know every inch of the ranches perfectly. My uncle neverallowed me to become acquainted with anything up here. I was hisrepresentative and factor in Bruttium. When I visited him here I was nomore than a guest and I have had to learn all the workings of the estatefrom the beginning."

  "Nonsense!" Tanno rejoined. "You know each when you see it. If the tenantspay their rent on time, what do you need to know about how they run theirfarms?"

  "They pay cash and on time," I explained, "but the cash represents halfthe yield and each manages the sale of his own produce. It is necessaryfor the proprietor to understand the capacities of each farm."

  "And you are proud of a tenantry," he sneered, "so honest that you cannottrust them not to swindle you out of your just dues and on whom you haveto spy all the time to get what you should get from them."

  "You do not understand," I declared.

  "Right you are," said Tanno. "I do not and I do not want to."

  "Just wait a moment and do not interrupt," I urged. "You do notunderstand, there is no use in being a proprietor if you do not know morethan your tenantry. There are a thousand, there are ten thousand detailsin which the management of the farms may be made more profitable or lessprofitable, and all these details have to be watched and must be well inthe proprietor's mind."

  "Could you not get some kind of overseeing general estate bailiff to doall that for you?" he suggested.

  "I can," I said, "and I'm going to get one. My uncle's overseer died ofthe plague and my uncle was too old and too set in his ways to getanother, so he acted as his own overseer for the last four years of hislife. I must know of my own knowledge just how the place ought to bemanaged or I can never detect and forestall unnecessary and ruinousfriction and trouble between my tenantry and any new superintendingoverseer."

  "I do not know," Tanno ruminated, "which to admire more, the beauties ofthe Sabine tenant system or the wonders of the Sabine character. Any otherman I know would have stayed in Rome and attended strictly to hiscourtship and let his estates take care of themselves. You are supposed tobe violently in love and you certainly behave like it: yet you leave Romeand Vedia and shut yourself up among these damp cold hills and inspect andreinspect and make a final inspection, and delay for one last peep andlinger for one final glance, where any other man would ignore the propertyand be with the widow."

  "I do not see anything extraordinary about it," I disclaimed. "A man needsan income, a lover most of all."

  "Income!" he snorted. "Isn't your income from your Bruttian estates tentimes the gross return from the property?"

  "More than ten times," I admitted.

  "Why worry about it at all then?" he demanded. "Isn't your Bruttian incomeenough?"

  "No income is enough," I declared, "if a man has a chance to get in more."

  "Of course," he beamed, "you do not see anything extraordinary in yourpetting this property. A Sabine would use up a year to get in a sestercefrom a frog pond. You are a Sabine. All Sabines worship the AlmightySesterce. But to anybody not a Sabine it is amazing to see a loverpostponing prayers to Lord Cupid until he has finished the last detail ofhis ceremonial duties to Chief Cash, Greatest and Best."